In English- If I were Pope- For debate

If I Were Pope

If I were pope

I'd proclaim the end of my infallibility

and banish the word sin from the doctrines of faith

I'd ask half the bishops and cardinals

to replace themselves with a thoughtful woman

and complete their ministries in a prison or homeless shelter

If I were pope

I'd pay the mystics to write poetry all day

and have their words read at the Sunday Masses

I'd pay the prophets to upload their message

in five minute videos

for youtube viewers around the world

I'd hire a thousand displaced workers

to construct a new Sistine Chapel and cover it with mirrors

instead of male images

If I were pope

I'd announce a contest

for 10 new sacraments that celebrate

peace-making, justice, and interfaith creations.

I'd send envoys to the villages

to talk about birth control

and distribute condoms wherever they are needed.

I'd establish a tuition-free college in every country

to train young students how to think

non-violently and act ethically.

If I were pope I'd convert closed churches

to housing for the needy

and meeting places for the marginal and walking wounded

I'd buy farms in rural places

and dedicate each one to organic farming

and cooperative, sustainable, community-based agriculture.

I'd convert every old Motherhouse and seminary

into a training center for spiritual activists, cultural creators

and community collaborators.

I'd auction off my skullcap, my mozetta cape and my darling red shoes

to the highest bidder and send the money to Haiti

for the construction of schools and health care centers.

I'd sell my Fisherman's Ring on ebay

and donate the proceeds to the Gulf shrimpers.

I'd trade my red and gold embroidered fascia

(the stole with the fringes) for a villa in Tuscany

and give free spa retreats to women who've served the church

for five years or more.

If I were pope, I'd throw a party at the Vatican

and invite everyone who's left the church

because they didn't feel welcomed.

(The overflow crowd would be treated to weekends

at Italian vineyards.)

If I were pope, I'd announce my retirement,

and as my last act in office, at the final party,

I'd ordain to the priesthood any woman who was ready,

marry any gay couple who wanted my blessing,

and marry any priest, male or female.

Then I'd get in my jammies,

say a prayer of gratitude,

and crawl into bed for a much needed nap.